My Journey to Sobriety: Embracing Transformation and Listening to Intuition

I remember that day vividly. It was a cold mid-December evening, and I was sitting at the dinner table surrounded by my family, drinking a beer. The room was filled with laughter and stories. Everyone seemed so happy. But with each sip of alcohol came a heavy feeling in my stomach. I tried to push it aside and enjoy the moment, but I couldn't shake the sadness that had taken hold of me. I couldn't help but wonder, “How can one beer make me feel so down?” It was then that I realized it was time for a change.

You see, your body gives you signs, and it's up to you to catch and make sense of these signs when they present themselves, but most of us ignore them. I believe that most people experience unexpected awakenings; “aha” moments, if you will. They are moments where people can feel the exhaustion in their soul due to doing things that no longer serve them. They are moments of pure clarity that redefine a person’s life, where one must decide to leave their past behind and start anew. 

This sudden realization marked the beginning of a transformational journey. For years, I struggled with doing what I knew was right for me because I was held back by my fear of the unknown. However, I knew what my future self looked like, and I was determined to fight for her.

I never considered myself a heavy drinker; I only indulged in social drinking. However, as I entered my late twenties, something changed. Every time I drank, I felt a sense of melancholy that was hard to shake. Like clockwork, the morning after a night of drinking, I found myself laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, overwhelmed with guilt and sadness. I knew that alcohol could no longer be a part of my life, but I was unsure of how to let go of a lifestyle that had been a part of my identity for so long. How does one create a life that one had has never lived before? It wasn’t until December 14th, 2021 that I decided to quit drinking alcohol for good.

I would no longer neglect my intuition or my longing to live authentically. My soul had been trying to guide me back to myself for years, and I had finally started to listen. It gave me signs through intuition, and though it took time, I eventually understood that timing was everything. I reclaimed control over my life by letting go of what made me unhappy. It was a daunting task, but I was determined to pave a new way of living that would lead me to a soul-rooted transformation.

A few weeks into my sobriety, I took my first vacation in January 2022. Past trips typically meant drinking and partying, but this one was different; it was special and I'll never forget it. When I reminisce about my time in Florida, I instantly recall the abundance of energy I had due to not drinking on the trip. I woke up each day with a newfound zest for life and a drive to explore. It was a new and invigorating experience that left me eager to discover more.

My sobriety inspired me to embrace the small things in life. During my stay in Florida, I had the opportunity to stay in a beachfront room, and one morning, I woke up early to watch the sunrise. When my alarm went off, I jumped out of bed and headed straight to the balcony. I sat down and simply wanted to be present in the moment. It was a calm morning, and the sound of the waves was invigorating. The breeze felt so gentle. And then, a few minutes later, the sun began to rise. It was the showstopper of the morning, shining so brightly with a that it had a magical halo around it.  I was in awe;. Ttears streamed down my face as I sat there, feeling so much peace I had never felt before. In that beautiful moment, I couldn’t help but wonder if this was what heaven felt like. I knew then and there that I was ready for this new beginning that would involve discipline, structure, and consistency, which were not instilled in me during my upbringing. 

My mother immigrated to the U.S from Belarus in her late 20s, seeking a better life for our family. She worked tirelessly for a couple of years to save enough money to bring my grandmother and me to this country, where I arrived at seven. As a single parent, my mom worked double shifts with zero days off for years to achieve her goals, providing us with the American Dream lifestyle, which I sincerely appreciate. She is my inspiration; I would be fortunate to be half as strong as her. 

While one might expect that my mom served as my role model for discipline, structure, and consistency, the reality is different. Growing up in a single-parent household did not always provide the best supervision, leaving me with plenty of freedom but without the necessary skills to use my time productively and healthily.

Growing up, I had a clear vision of the person I wanted to become - a responsible, goal-oriented, and decisive young adult. However, the journey toward achieving this vision was challenging. It was a game of off-again and on-again, and I struggled with distractions along the way. At times, I questioned whether it was my choices or myself to blame. I was tough on myself when things didn't go according to plan. I felt guilt and frustration because I just could not get it together.  

But everything changed for me when I decided to quit alcohol. Being sober has led me to have a beautiful relationship with myself. It was as if all the puzzle pieces had fallen into place. I felt as if everything I ever wanted to become the person I had envisioned had finally come together. Looking back, I understand that life is a teacher, and this life lesson has taught me to trust my intuition. There is immense strength and power in following one’s inner voice. I only wish I listened to my intuition sooner, but the turbulence and hardships along the way have beenwere necessary to help me grow into the person I am today. I am proud to say that I have been sober for almost 3 years and am living my best life!